ELIZABETH HIGGINS
The Daily Mountain Eagle
Published September 23, 2007 12:34 AM CDT
SUMITON — For a year, the East Walker Chamber of Commerce along with the Alabama Grief Support Foundation has successfully been providing support to those in the area who have recently lost a spouse. The grief support group meets at the Sumiton Senior Center located on Bryan Road. The group begins gathering at 9:30 a.m. every second and fourth Tuesday of each month and meetings begin at 10 a.m.

The group is lead by Dr. Gertrude “Trudy” Tharpe, who holds two masters degrees in counseling and social work. Tharpe has been leading grief support groups in Jefferson and Shelby counties for more than 15 years.

Tharpe said she wanted to begin leading these support groups because of the lack of help for those who needed guidance during this awkward time in their lives. She designed the group after those she had observed throughout the United States, and by using what she had learned in support groups she lead while teaching at the University of Hong Kong.

“It gives them hope and encouragement,” she said. “They need to understand loss and how to handle it. When you have knowledge, it gives you a sense of contentment. It gives you structure and guidance to rebuild your life. We try to help them build a second life.”

Chee-Vee Whitfield, director of the East Walker Chamber of Commerce, said attending one of Tharpe’s groups at Westwood Baptist Church in Forestdale helped her recover from the loss of her husband of 20 years.

“It helps to know how other people deal with the same problems you have, and knowing that you are not alone,” she said. “That was the biggest thing for me because I was so confused. I had never faced anything like that. Dr. Tharpe guides you through the different emotions, and helps us see how we can deal with them and how to work through them.”

Whitfield and two other volunteers from the Forestdale group, Pat and Carl Nix, decided to start a group in Sumiton because there was no form of support like this in the area.

“We had so many people who were traveling long distances to come to those meetings because there was nothing like this between the West Jefferson and Jasper areas,” Whitfield said. “So, we decided to reach out to this community and begin one in this area. We grew immediately to a larger group than the West Jefferson group.”

The meetings cover a new subject each session concerning the loss of a spouse. The participants receive literature on grief support. Afterwards, they are encouraged to speak to the group about their experiences, and how they are currently dealing with it. This is not a requirement since many have a hard time speaking about their experience without becoming emotional.

Carl Nix said this was how he felt when he first began attending the support group after losing his wife of 47 years in 2001.

“When it first happened, if I’d start talking about it, I’d get teary eyed,” he said. “I couldn’t talk because I would choke up. That went on for about two or three weeks. Gradually, I got a little better. That’s one thing that encourages me to stay in it is because I’ve seen so many the same way.”

The support group is meant to guide participants through the first year of losing a spouse and are then encouraged to become volunteers. As a volunteer, the participants are able to bring in new members and help them through the grieving process.

“So many people that go through the program decide to remain as volunteers because even after the first year you continue to benefit from the materials that we study and the discussions that we have,” Pat Nix said. “Most of the same emotions that they have, you’ve been through. It comes back to you as you stay in it. I’ll think, ‘you know, this too will pass.’ You see how some of them come in just in pitiful shape and, as time goes by, you can see them get better. They’re able to laugh again.”

Pat Nix, who was married to her husband for 41 years, said the group helped her feel comfortable staying in her home alone, especially in the afternoons, which she said is the hardest time for most going through a loss.

“I was able to get on with my life,” she said. “A lot of times I would work late at night just to put off coming home because nobody was there. It helps you to know that you’re not the only that’s going through a loss.”

Pat and Carl Nix attended the Forestdale group together for several years and found comfort in each other. The two were married last year.

For more information about the Sumiton grief support group, call the East Walker Chamber of Commerce at 205-255-0202.